Living is hard work. Does this make any sense at all? I cant draw a picture, but I vision a very large enormous circle filled with living, joy, happiness, struggles, giggles, arguments, sharing, hope, excitement, plans, potential, etc. Mind you a very large circle prior to my sons death. Following, a teeny tinny hole in this circle, smaller than a pin head with pieces of myself seeping outward. That- to me- is growth. This makes complete sense. In fact, the reality is that grief and growth DO occupy the same space.
Contrary to what many believe, growth often emerges from the very same mechanisms that we use to grieve rumination, story telling, struggles with understanding ourselves and the world in the wake of loss. So your comment and conceptualization makes so much sense. We discussed this recently actually in our post about posttraumatic growth. This is the most sensible thing i have read regarding grief. I am tired of hearing about growth.
Right now i am just trying to deal with the present. After the loss of my mother 18 months I entered into a hopeless world and reached out for any help I could find. I found a book online and it said it would get me through grief quickly. I read it and found it to be the coldest, unsympathetic book ever. Thank you for being there.
You are filling a huge void for me! Bless you for sharing and giving me a safe place to feel my reality. I grieve my husband of 52 years and my pain is more endurable. You have helped me often!!
God Bless you! Their assumptions and expectations can kiss off. I think the key point is that you are not going to be the same person. I am not the person I was 10 years ago prior to anticipatory grief and then the real deal of loss grief. I would say there has been a loss of innocence. I would say that I am a way more serious person, yes, a little cynical as well, maybe a lot. I think in some ways, I have become more fearful. I am so worried that I will lose somebody else that I love that I am irrationally obsessed with their safety.
Living with grief, carrying it, has been an ongoing state, one which I imagine will continue in its varied manifestations, and whatever is changed will most likely fluctuate depending on the circumstances of any given day. What seems undeniable whatever the changes, you are probably not quite the person you were. Thank you for being REAL.
I want to know…where the hell is MY rainbow too???!!!! Understanding and patience are not qualities too many of our family and friends have especially after 6 months to a year. Thank you WYG!!!
Finally I feel like I am ok. It has been 11 years and from 2 months on people have told time heals. Not for me. I have learned to live with it and around it. Sometimes it feels as if he left yesterday.
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The last reason I'm not sad? They left and i wished for their return, was so peaceful looking. Brian has a hoodie to match the checks on the head so: check and DONE! However, I am scared as to how this would be judged? He was silly and playful and loyal, and he had absolutely human eyes!
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